THE COMEDOWN

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Doing the work is great.  

Figuring shit out.  Feeling connected.  Getting away.  Gaining clarity.  Tuning in.  Tuning out.  Going deep.  Shining bright.  Coming together.  

Many people succeed at having breakthroughs.  

The problem is they don’t succeed in integrating the breakthrough into their daily lives.

Especially when the breakthrough comes from an event, a retreat or a training - something that falls slightly outside of their normal day to day experience - there is often an amplification of energy where deep relationships are forged or hidden insights are able to be made manifest - and that energy infuses us and carries with it the ability to keep that magic swell of mojo throbbing inside of us.

But what happens when we come home or the event ends, and the all of the mundane, day to day aspects of life set back in and “real life” reemerges?  When the energy from the event dims down and we lose the mojo?

Well the first thing to be aware of and to accept - that this is a normal part of the evolutionary process.  Because when you have a totally amazing - intense - beautiful - life affirming breakthrough - you are changed.  

And in that moment - something in you clicks - a switch is flipped and something new is turned on inside of you.

So it’s important to recognize that going back to how things were will be a challenge, because you will be different.  The life around you won’t be different, but you will be.  And that invariably means that the way you feel about things, the way you see things, the way you interact and access things will be different.

And it’s normal to need a transition between the very different states of “holy shit this is IT - the most amazing I’ve ever felt in my life” to coming back home to paying the bills and doing boring, real life shit.  So during this transition - in order to let the breakthrough keep breaking through - it’s essential to have a game plan.  It looks something like this. 

First of all, remember that this adjustment is part of the process (yes, I know the comedown is real and yes, I know it’s shitty and yes, it is an essential part of the process).

So keep reminding yourself of that - and then follow these steps.

1.  Regularly vividly recall how you felt.  Let your body and psyche continue to absorb the experience even after the event has ended.  You’ve had the high high and now you are returning to what in comparison feels like a low.  Whether it really is or isn’tlow is up to you to determine - but you have to remember how you felt.  You can’t push it away, avoid it or pretend that it didn’t happen.  And you definitely can’t say to yourself, “oh well that was nice but it’s over now” … you have to keep LIVING IT.  Your thoughts form your reality so use visualization, re-read your journal, recall memories, connect with people from the event.  You have to keep living it in order for it to become a part of your new reality.

2.  Make an integration plan.  How can you continue to feel what you want to feel - how can you incorporate the breakthrough you just had into your life?  Because it won’t just happen - you have to make it happen.  So ask yourself, what needs to happen in order to make it happen?  Do you need to get a babysitter?  Buy yourself fresh flowers every week?  Make time for more self care?  Quit your job?  Ask you partner for support?  More sex?  Less shopping?  Quit drinking?  Leave a toxic relationship?  Go to yoga?  Find a new, healthy inner circle?  It may feel overwhelming to figure it out - but you are the expert here.  You know what you need to do.  Just because the breakthrough happened doesn’t mean there isn’t still a shit ton of work to do.  So schedule it in - make time for it and DO IT.  

3.  Get support from people who "get it".  Enlist someone to help you do whatever you need to do to hold yourself accountable (a coach, a best friend, a therapist).  Make sure they "get it" ... and that they get you ... and that they are someone who is truly on your team that deeply cares for your success - not someone who is going to be threatened by your version of greatness or try to pull you back down to the pre-breakthrough you.  A big reason why people fail is because they think they have to do it alone or they don't have the right people in their lives.  Everyone needs help.  So find your support team, ask for what you need and stick with them.  Let them help you, hold you up and hold you accountable.  Strength is born out of vulnerability - so don’t be afraid to be honest about what you need.  

My last piece of advice?  If you are going through the comedown - be real about it.  Don't hide it or fake it.  If you are going through a hard time readjusting - reach out - and maybe even share what's going on for you.  Even thought it feels like it - you aren’t the only one trying to figure it out - and chances are, you'll either help someone else in the process or you'll pull the right people into your life that are supposed to help you actually make this breakthrough stick.

Annnnd .... one more thing.  No one is perfect, everyone fucks up sometimes and everyone is just trying to grow into the best versions of themselves that they can.  So you if you rebound from your breakthrough, if you fall down our sink back into the abyss - it’s okay - the important thing is that you get back up and keep going.  No one ever gets it right the first time around - so keep breaking through the breakthough.  Keep going.  You've got this.

Are you experiencing something like this in your life right now?  What's the one thing you know you need to do for yourself in order to keep going?  Reach out and share with us in the comments below so we can support you!

Lots of love,
Ashly

 

Ashly Wolf

Ashly is the creator of FemmeRising.com which seeks to uplift, inspire and educate women about their body, their sensuality, their femininity, their connection to spirit and to help them reclaim their powerful role as women within society. Ashly is also the founder of HealthySexyHungry.com, where she coaches women on radical self love and guides them towards living a life filled with confidence and desire.