There’s this thing we do as women. We silently judge others just as quickly as we judge, compare and criticize ourselves.
In a media driven society - we are urged to look and think in certain ways - not to be too opinionated, to always look good (and fit the mold of what that unattainable perfection looks like) but also to actually feel bad about ourselves.
Because that’s how the consumer cycle works. Show false imagery of what less than 10% of the population looks like - create products that people need or don’t need to look that way (makeup, chemical infused body care, diets, workout plans, “fat free” food, etc) - but either way - make people think that they need it.
And not just that they need it - but that they aren’t good enough even if they have it - because then they’ll keep buying more!
Sure there is lots of marketing - but the main way that the media uses it’s powers for evil is in how it consciously and unconsciously affects our relationships with other women.
Because when we pit ourselves against each other - we create a world of competition with other women - instead of a world of compassion.
Add on layers of sexual taboos, stigmas around expressing sensuality, shaming of not only of empowered women but women’s bodies in general - and there is an entire global society of women walking around thinking that they aren’t good enough - and silently comparing themselves not only to every single media image they see everyday but to EVERY WOMAN.
Every woman they see or interact with becomes a silent competitor.
Basically we’ve been ingrained to compare everything that other women seem to have to what we don’t.
And when we come from this place of comparison and lacking confidence, we either shrink and shrivel back or we fight back with aggression to try to prove who or what we are. This only generates the viscous cycle of more and more insecurities and defensive attitudes.
The beautiful thing is - all that changes with sisterhood.
Because once you actually get into a sacred space with women, where you can get naked (literally or metaphorically) you have permission to get real with yourself and real with them, there’s no need to compete.
The most vulnerable and courageous experiences I’ve had with women have been within the space of sisterhood. A place where it is safe to express your fear, judgements, insecurities and jealousies. Where conversations can be had around these topics without the innate and ingrained fears of judgement, comparison, abandonment or criticism keeping us from expressing what is really on our hearts.
What is an example of what this kind of expression looks like within sisterhood? It can look like many things. Once the sacred container has been opened and you are in a safe space of women, it’s about openly sharing what’s going on for you, asking what you need, getting real around what you want and what you don’t want. But it’s also about being able to be completely honest with women when something gets triggered within you, instead of holding it in and letting it either build up into resentment, jealousy or tear down your self esteem into a constant state of comparison.
Because you see, when we get triggered by another woman - it’s really just a sign that there is something within ourselves that desires attention because as women, women are the single greatest mirrors we have.
And the truth is - when we see another woman that has something we want (like confidence or seeming like they have it all together) - or we feel triggered by a sense of jealousy or insecurity because of them - its not really about them - it’s just a reflection of something within ourselves that is seen in them.
I recently went to Hawaii with my mastermind, The Sexified Success Circle. It's a group of women entrepreneurs that I've been working with for the past 6 months - so we've grown to know each other digitally and over monthly mastermind calls - and because we had a lot of time to get to know each other before the trip - when we came face to face, we were able to get really real with one another really fast.
We skinny dipped in the pool of the rented house we were staying in everyday, we had really deep and vulnerable conversations, meditated, went on adventures to the near by beach, danced, did yoga, loved up on one another, laughed, screamed and cried.
Towards the end of the trip I was approached by a few of my sisters - and they were completely honest in what was going on for them based on what I triggered in them. So we sat down and had some very heartfelt conversations where what they shared how they felt, and we were all able to fully express ourselves, without fear of judgement or abandonment from the other.
So what does this look or sound like? Below are 3 real examples that came up from the trip.
“I have felt really intimidated by you. It seems like you have everything figured out and that makes me feel really insecure about the fact that I don’t.”
“You have such powerful confidence that I judge myself around you.”
“I feel like you express your affection to others in the group more than you do for me, and that makes me feel like you don’t love me.”
And the conversation that followed is what allowed us to truly drop or walls. My responses, admitting that I just recently got my shit together after 10 years of feeling like I had nothing figured out, and that I still l doubt what I’m up to and what I’m creating - to sharing that my confidence is something that I’ve also built from ground zero after living the first 20 years of my life in a self imposed land of shame and self-loathing - to expressing why I had my guard up and how that affected my affections.
We were each able to fully express how we felt and share our responses - and in this space of love and trust - able to not only feel safe in expressing ourselves (and our insecurities) but also - to receive support around them. As a result, we each left the conversation feeling seen, heard and validated for sharing our truths - and this vulnerability brought us closer.
Which is so rare but SO NEEDED in the world today. As women, we need to be able to have supportive relationships with women - and this is what sisterhood allows for.
It is very powerful to be to receive reflections of how other women view you and your actions - and to be able to share what your experience is like for you. Because it’s often much different than the stories we make up about what life is really like for women who might be beautiful, or seem like they have it all together, or have the confidence or personality traits that you feel you don’t have yourself.
This force of sisterhood is what will change the world. Because when women start rallying, collaborating and working together instead of competing and comparing one another - magic can be made.
The Dali Lama says that the world will be saved by the Western woman - and this is true - but more than that it will be saved by Western women, rising together and lifting one another as we ascend.
So - what's your relationship with women like? Are you able do be vulnerable and honest? Do you have a group of supportive and unconditional women in your life?
If the answer is yes - in the comments below I'd love to hear what that has been like for you and your life. And if you don't, I want to know, what's holding you back from having sisterhood in your life? Is it the ability to actually find and connect with women or is it a blockage stemming from your own self limiting beliefs? Share below so we can all support one another!
If you are looking to create a pleasurable, spacious life full of sisterhood and fulfillment - or if you are just curious to check out the magic sisterhood I’ve been blessed to be a part of this past year - you can check out what my biz coach Allison Braun is offering for next year’s Sexified Success Circle HERE.